i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
