Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
