i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
