If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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