She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
