He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
