I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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