Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
