shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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