In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
