Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
