After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
