Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
