What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
