I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
