I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
