I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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