just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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