when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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