I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
