you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
