Banned from zoo.
Again?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
