i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
