tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
