I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
