I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize