I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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