I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
