I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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