she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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