We won't sleep together?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
