I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
