how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
