i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
