you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I currently don't understand fingers.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
