I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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