Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
