Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
