she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
