Ambien. No doubt about it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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