One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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