her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize