i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am mentally ready for anal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
