so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
