They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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