I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
