I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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