this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
