Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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