Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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