I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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