ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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