Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
