Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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