There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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