I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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