all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
