i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
