i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
