pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
