I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
