i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
