Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
