R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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