...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
