he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?