I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
