If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
