Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
