She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
